In which the author tackles some of those salacious stereotypes and misanthropic misinterpretations beloved of the popular press. And you may ask, why do I care? Because I am painfully bored with those individuals who assume it's all true, and try to direct my life accordingly; that's why. I am at my least tolerant when it comes to things which bore me.
Okay, popular misconception number one: all goths are vampires / all goths think they are vampires / all goths believe that real vampires exist, and long to meet them. This is bollocks of course. There are indeed people out there who are in one way or another obsessed with vampires, and some of them dress like goths; but most goths have no more interest in vampires than does the average 'man in the street', and are no more inclined than he might be to fanciful speculation. Personally, the fact I was raised with a scientific approach to the world precludes me stating definitely that vampires do not exist, just as it precludes me stating that God does not exist; but if either does, it's of little relevance to the way I live my life.
I've read Dracula, as I expect most educated people have, and I've also enjoyed a few other vampire-related tales, though as with any genre most of it is shite. My love of camp movies has given me a fondness for Hammer Horror movies, but I lack the cleavage to emulate any of those roles. ;) I do, as it happens, enjoy biting and sometimes drinking blood as a sexual activity, but this is related to my SM interests rather than my being a goth; I do it because it's pleasurable for me, not because I am under any illusions that it will make me live forever or that it will somehow make me stunningly attractive. As the esteemed Count von Sexbat once said, the tragedy of those modern day individuals who long to be Dracula is that most of them end up being far more like Renfield.
This one has to do with my sexuality, and with more than one aspect of it. Personally, I am polyamorous, but despite popular assumptions this is not the case with all bisexuals, nor is it never the case with heterosexuals and gays - far from it. Being bisexual is not synonymous with a desire to 'have both' at once. I have been perfectly happy in monogamous relationships in the past; the sex of my partner was of no relevance to that; my eye was as likely to be drawn away from my girlfriend by another woman as it was by a man, but I did not experience any greater difficulty than I imagine the average person does in preventing the rest of my body from following it.
Polyamory is not the same as 'cheating'; I would never lie to my partners about any sexual encounter, nor would I sleep with somebody else who was supposedly in a monogamous relationship. I am always honest about my status, and expect the same from any potential lover; I also, like most people, prefer relationships in which there is some degree of commitment. People who think they can screw me for a while until a 'proper' relationship comes along can go screw themselves. I am quite prepared to match the commitment I receive. It angers me that 'fidelity' within a relationship is so often assumed to depend purely on the sexual. I consider myself perfectly loyal to the man I have stuck with through eleven (not exactly easy) years; more so, to be honest, than those who form monogamous marriages which break up after a few months. Likewise my boyfriend of the past year, whom I have never betrayed in any way. Loyalty is about being there when needed and putting in the effort to take care of a partner, and to keep the relationship together, no matter how hard things might be. I really don't see why, compared to all of that, fucking is such a big deal.
And so to the title of this section; the popular misconception that polyamory and bisexuality both mean an individual will sleep with anything that moves. Again, there are those who do, and provided they are practising safer sex, as we would all be wise to do, then I say good luck to them - but it's not the case for everyone. I have had quite a few sexual partners over the course of my life, but that's been about twenty active years; I've had a few one night stands, but not much beyond the average. 'Polyamory' means 'loving many', not 'loving any'. The unfortunate truth is that I find myself attracted to perhaps point one percent of the people I meet on a good day, if that; and then only goths. The average bar or club holds absolutely nothing of interest to me. I struggle to understand how the rest of the population seems to experience lust so easily.
This one is for the Americans, and the southern Europeans, as, mercifully, the trend of branding anyone who wears dark clothes, role-plays or likes certain music a 'devil worshipper' has for the most part been considered too silly to catch on in northern Europe and the UK. It is a sad fact that most people are sufficiently lacking in historical knowledge and understanding of the workings of the mass media to assume that the world is constantly becoming a nastier place, and is somehow about to end; so, naturally enough, they look around for something to blame; and the old maxim sticks: blame what is different, blame what is wierd. Those of us uninterested in maintaining a fluffy mainstream appearance are the new Communists of the fin-de-siecle generation (leastways when Muslims are not being forced into that role). It amuses me that 'witchcraft' and 'devil worship' have once again emerged as the 'witch hunt' labels of a paranoid society; this is primitive behaviour with an openly primitive face. Need any rational person really allow themselves to be haunted by such imaginary demons? And why the patronising assumption that those who behave differently necessarily feel the need to worship anyone?
The role-playing thing really saddens me, as it highlights the fact that no-one is reading their Plato these days. Role-playing involves pretending to be a different person, a character in a story, and that story unfolds partly as a result of the choices made by different characters and their co-ordinator, often called the 'game master'. It's sort of like a cross between acting and writing. In The Republic, Plato warned that no-one should be allowed to perform in plays which included evil or disreputable characters, because in order to play such a character an actor must needs identify with him, in which case the actor is in danger of sympathising with evil and therefore becoming evil. This is the same argument which those who seek to ban role-playing are using, but they fail to take it to its logical conclusion, probably for fear that its ridiculous nature will then be exposed. Should we ban such evil influences? Should we ban the works of Shakespeare, for fear that someone might identify with Iago or Macbeth?
When I was in the United States, I was shocked to be verbally abused by strangers who asked "Did your parents buy that for you?" Verbal abuse in itself is no big deal, and I understand that I look younger than I am, but I was with Donald, who received the same treatment, and he looked all of his thirty years. On mentioning this later, I was advised that the perception of goths in the 'States is that we are all teenagers pursuing a fad. This fallacy occasionally appears in the UK press, though I don't think many UK citizens believe it - they are naturally a bit more cynical, and used to seeing goths around. My goth friends range in age from newborns to fifty-somethings, and I know of a few older ones; I find it bizarre that certain sections of the public are blind to this.
Every now and then, I encounter someone who tells me that I'm stuck in a teenage fad or teenage behaviour pattern, and that I should grow out of it. Apparently, wearing unusual clothing, going to concerts and so forth is not a big deal. Well gee, yeah, I noticed. It's because it's not a big deal that I shall carry on doing it if I feel so inclined; it doesn't prevent me from doing other things with my life. Again, most of my adult goth friends are gainfully employed, several at the top of their fields, and many have children; they are not being held back in life. I pity those people who feel such a need to prove themselves as adults that they must frantically discard any behaviours popularly associated with youth. What are they going to do next, point at each other in the playground and shout "You're so immature!"..?
Last updated 13th May, 2005.